Oppression Backfires: I Get Partial Custody

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth - Buddha

The kids were spending more and more time with me. Any time my ex did not feel like having them, and it was often, I would drop everything to get them from daycare or school. It was wonderful to feel like a family again and I cherished every moment. The daycare began calling me first because I was reliable and reacted immediately when my ex was late picking them up or for their other needs. It turned out he was not bringing food for the kids or proper clothing. Although the state paid for the lion's share of child care expenses he was late on the rather light payments and always with some lame excuse. They loved the kids but considered my ex to be completely irresponsible and were thinking about kicking them out. I honestly had no idea he was flaking like this. He had been pretty good in coming off as the responsible parent, while I was a nutcase. 

I talked to the director about how I could make this right. Vineland had an excellent preschool and Kindergarten and it was important their education not be disturbed. Things were smoothed over. When my ex found out how involved I was, he became enraged.

Three months after my marriage I was served papers to have my rights severed as a parent. In it was a restraining order that had clearly been denied by the judge. However, my ex pedaled it to the daycare as valid and when I went to pick up the kids, they wouldn't let me in.

I had grown a backbone and no one was going to take them away again. I showed them the judge's denial and told them if I was denied access to my children, I would sue them. I took them home. 

When mediation came, my ex tried to paint me as some crazy person. They didn't buy it. Custody arrangements changed drastically and now he was paying me child support. 

But it wasn't over. Not by a long shot. He kept me in court for the next eleven years serving me papers on a yearly basis. It became a kind of sick joke between Jim and me. If it's springtime it must be the process server.  Every year he lost a little bit more time with the kids and paid more support. But having every decision, vacation, or summer camp time challenged in a court setting was aggravating and stressful. 

Even my mother said, "When does this guy go away?" Turns out, not for a long time. The destruction he caused to my life, my children's childhood, and turns out, other people's lives as well, cannot be understated. It seemed that everything good and joyous he either neutralized or outright ruined.  Maybe it's not cool to say this but I fucking hated that guy. Now, not so much. It pains me to see what one grown daughter in particular goes through to get his approval, but I say nothing. She needs to find her own path and truth.